THE AD
At the Little Gym our team members are fun, outgoing, energetic and excel at communicating that energy/fun to the parents and children. Sorry, The Little Gym is not for you if you enjoy sitting at a desk doing administrative tasks. Experience or education in gymnastics, karate, sports, early childhood development, physical education, coaching, exercise science or cheerleading is required. We are looking for people who have some level of experience in one of these areas, love working with children, enjoy being fit, and have fun personalities. If this describes you, we would like to discuss employment opportunities with you!
MY RESPONSE
Hello,
I saw your ad on craig's list for the Sports and Karate Instructor. I am an accomplished martial artist in the disciplines of Karate, Aikido, Wushu and various weapon arts. I am a very active and fit individual, and I wrestled for East Stroudsburg University in the late nineties. I have worked as a middle school teacher, at which time I also coached a basketball team that made it to the state championship. I enjoy biking, rock climbing and I do landscaping in my free time. I am highly qualified for this job and would love to work with kids again.
Unfortunately, at this time I am pursuing an endeavor in romance journalism. What is romance journalism you ask? My friend, I realize that in the intellectually limiting world of children's sports instruction, it is difficult to branch out and realize that the most cutting edge movement in independent writing involves transcribing conversations between young lovers in hopes of conveying the depth of their 'love rollercoaster' to eager readers who themselves hope to experience the joy and sorrow of short-lived and childish relationships carried out by college students. Some call it eavesdropping, others call it pure genius. I call it my one true passion.
And so, it is with much regret that I decline your tempting job offer. I must say that though it seems a perfect fit for someone of my skills and experience, I find myself bitten by the writing bug, whose venom is now coursing through my veins and has set a direct path to my brain, which will in turn dispatch signals through my arms and to my hands, coaxing them to write, write like my life depends on it. There is no antidote. Unless of course, you have some compelling words that will counteract my current thought process.
Thank you,
Allen Bakis
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